Wafula, KU’s version of Mollis

While the ‘K’ in KU has always been substituted to mean kunguni, owing to the overwhelming population of bedbugs in the hostels, we now think it’s high time the letter stood for Kahaba Univesity and the locale around the institution, Kahawa Sukari and Kahawa Wendani, christened Kahaba Sukari and Kahaba Wandani respectively!

This deserving epithet comes courtesy of one hostel bully who put activities at the institution to a standstill last week when the brute drilled innocence out of someone’s daughter like his life depended on it.

The culprit, Wafula, is rumoured to have given some lady who visited him in the male hostel much more than she had bargained for.

Resultantly, the lady began wailing, screaming, speaking in tongues, proclaiming like a false prophetess and narrating where the Eurobond money is; all which drew the attention of the entire campus.

Jesters claim the noises would have made one easily confuse the hostel room for some exorcism altar owing to the gibberish the lady was proclaiming.

The lady’s stirring monologue, in which the word Wafula was the catch phrase in every two words, prompted concerned comrades to break into the hostel room thinking she was in trouble. This is when everyone realised that the scenario was neither an exorcism nor a prophetic intersession of a religious witness, but an exploration session of two serious students balancing equations and bisecting angles.

Those who say that Kilimani Mums are the echelons of gossip, have not met Kenyatta Univesity peeps. These souls spread rumours faster than Sandra Kaluki updates nudes on twitter. News that Mollis had reincarnated in KU under the code name Wafula circulated across all social media platforms as KU kids simmered with excitement as if someone had discovered the cure to Yellow Fever.

Then followed pictures of what was alleged to be the victim, being ‘escorted’ by a multitude of over excited boys and girls as blogpreneurs made a killing from the incident posting the story after every two minutes.Team Mafisi closely followed hailing and lauding the double decker ninja, Mollis Wafula, proclaiming him to be one of them. Well, those who still think that this is a generation of intellects being raised, news flash.

It’s a hoard of little perverts with a sultry appetite ten times higher than that of rabbits. It’s just sad that parents are somewhere praying that their sons and daughters succeed in studies at the university while in real sense, the boys and girls are speaking eroctic langages in the hostel room experimenting privileges of pre-mature marriage.