Put your hands up for those few campusers who manage to last their relationships beyond the 3 months limit. Those few, probably 1% are our true heroes. For example, there’s that couple at Moi University that’s made 4 years together. Guess, they will be walking down the aisle soon.
For the rest of us, even managing to take a relationship beyond a month is a miracle. Ours are what we call mini-relationships. It’s the hook-up culture. We are a generation of campusers characterized by booty calls and one night stands. Of course, I won’t forget the wankers, those guys who can’t seem to land a girl because they have no game. And of course, the dildo pokers, those fat obese ladies whose satisfaction comes from dildos because no one wants to bang them, except as an emergency plan.
I have discovered that it’s much easier to get into a relationship today than back then when I was still a fresher. Do people still go on dates in this age and era? I mean, all it takes now is buy her ice-cream and pizza and before you know it all she’s posted a picture on instagram tagging you as ‘bae.’
You’d think she’s joking until she introduces you to her friends as ‘bae.’ You’re in a relationship just like that. The only girls who are single are those who are lazy. Go to a guy’s house, cook for him a couple of times, wash and iron his clothes and just like that, you have a boyfriend.
This one girl I always jokingly referred to as my love in conversations ended up updating her whatsapp pic and profile; “chilling with bae.’ And just like that I had a girlfriend. There was this other girl who had no partner for her group course-work, I offered to be one, and just like that, I had a girlfriend and was banging it days later.
Ours now, is a generation where we sling sex like a Frisbee. Sex is no longer the taboo and questionable act that it was for this generations parents, its now considered a fun act to be shared with mutually attracted people. Older generations look it with shame; this generation sees the benefits of hook up culture.
With the hook-up culture, my grand-fathers would shudder in shock to find out that I banged the same number that took them an entire lifetime, that I banged that in just a month. As a campuser, I have had more sex than what my parents will ever have. I have dated more girls than what my father dated in his days as a campuser. And I have not been anything less of productive. I still managed to attend all my lectures of Engineering and even run a few side jobs.
With the booty-calls and one night stands, we’re saving money and time. You don’t have to worry about remembering someone’s birthday and getting them a gift. You don’t have to worry about which flowers to pick her on Valentines. You already have people who give you sex without bargaining for it with favours as most people do in relationships.
And men, the thrill of new poosy is incomparable to anything in this world. Unlike those stuck to one partner, I get to taste it all, the big and thick, the hairy and shaven. Having sex with almost strangers is a huge adrenaline rush.
Whether you’re a girl or a guy, a one-night hook-up has a feeling of conquering and accomplishment. There are few things that feel better than knowing a complete stranger is willing to risk an STD to treat you like a piece of meat for a few hours.
And it has all come with the end of slut-shaming. No one really shames a slut anymore. Why should we shame a woman who wants to have sex with nothing to be paid in exchange or in kind? We now talk about notch counts. How many girls we have banged? As the girls talk about their own D counts, how many Ds have been poked into their holes.
Arise unto the mountains oh yew generation of one night stands, booty calls and mini-relationships. This is the campus our parents dreamed of. We are living in that time that many of them would kill for. And they hate us for that. They hate us coz they aint us.
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