Social Media and Blind Dates Nightmares

Dress right and sexy

First off, by the time you finish reading this, all your nightmares from those pygmy blind dates you met from social media will be history. You won’t have to put up with those awkward moments birthed by your naivety in social media dating.

First and foremost, let’s be honest. Speaking from a male perspective, almost 98% of all women on social media have photo shopped faces. I mean, in real life, they are as dark as burnt plantain, yet behind your phone, they rival Jessica Alba in the chocolate colour race. In fact, meeting them would make you think feel so guilty in that you would think that keeping them waiting in the first place roasted their skins. Which in actual sense is just wishful thinking to them. They wish it was explained  that way.

So, here goes. Always make sure you ask for unaltered pic in the midst of that flirting. Never risk going to a blind date without checking that out lest you run into your dream date’s evil twin.

For women, always put into consideration, the height of your social media heart throb. A friend of mine had her date confused as her son at one exotic restaurant only for the “son” to actually pay the bills and giggle on his iPhone 6. Although the girl is still alive, she needed three weeks to overcome this whole nightmare.

Secondly, don’t take pictures at your friend’s cribs. You are confusing your future “wife” that you are some rich hunk when in actual sense you are squatting for food at that very house. A lie about your social status is like a pregnancy. No mater how many lies you tell, the world will know the truth unless you prematurely abort both.

For the girls, please always make sure all the clothes in your profile pictures are actually yours. A friend of mine found his crush’s mother in the crush’s clothes.

Real is key here. Be real. Be you.

Always make sure you get to know each others’ real names before camera meetings. Many times, some names have actually threatened people on dates. Facebook gave us the chance to name our selves whatever we wanted from our real names to names of our private parts. So people took this joke too far and resorted to dropping their scary names for “princess”. Go with an ID to the date. An ID would be good. Jokes aside, it will save you loads of crap if you know the real person you are dealing with.

Always be spot on and clever enough NOT to meet people in their residences for the first time. You don’t know whether your date was a horny guy behind a screen or a serial killer. Be assertive. Neutral ground. Tea. Beer and then conversation. Visiting him and trying to check out his bedroom will leave you with unwanted pregnancies.

In another view, regardless which sex you are or how needy, the first date is not supposed to be one where you ask for money. Come with enough money. We understand that you owe the local rolex guy and you haven’t used a taxi in a week because shallow pockets, but you are meeting a stranger, not Bill Gates. People have their unmentioned problems, you could ask for some money and since he doesn’t want to hurt you, he gives you part of the global Fund money hence you being reason for deaths of thousands of innocent kids.

You should by now have figured out if the guy/ girl is using you as a side dish or a main dish. In most cases people forget to read through this little detail and get offered slaps that weren’t meant for them in the first place. Wives are busy following their husbands like grey hounds, one day, you will be a victim of slap induced amnesia if you are not so careful. So be clear with the guy as you also do your research, are you a main dish or a side one.

Finally, remember when you were still a kid and you had that on attire that you only put on special days? Good. Be that kid once again. Never meet people in your tattered gloomy stuff which you dig around your house from. Gumboots are not so much of a turn on, unless they are kicking  rapists in the groin, In brief, dress decently. We have seen people getting married from these platforms so, yes take your first meeting really special. Dress right and sexy. Women should always know the difference between dressing like a whore and being sexy. Men should make sure they smell right and have shoes that wow a woman. Not army boot here…just something decent.

With that and so much more you won’t have lots of cons for a social media relationship.