The Kenyan Campus Alphabet (A-Z of Kenyan Universities)

September, September, September, yes, that’s the month when freshers are reporting to campuses. It is our responsibility to take them through the campus alphabet just so they know the basics of life at University. From now till they report, every campuser must know the alphabet by heart and mind.

A for Alcohol.

Trust me you are gonna drink yourself silly at campus. You will find every fake reason to drink alcohol. You will drink when you are dumped. You will drink at a freshers ball.
 


  
B for Bazaar. You must attend this event especially the one at Moi University. This is where you will meet your first campus love. Miss lectures but never miss the Bazaar. B is also for the Book your Bodaboda guy in advance, he will be picking you up for booty calls to and fro.

C for Chicken Tonight . First, if you plan on being mid-way between bankrupt and loaded, then C should mean Chicken Tonight. However don’t forget, that when the going gets tough, C is for Coursework. C is for Clubbing. CHIPS FUNGA-female frersher avoid to be a chips funga_this will portray you as a cheap campus chick. You going to club till club becomes your first course unit. Above all, keep it CAMPUS VIBE254 because that’s your heart, body, mind and soul while at campus. Make sure you don’t appear on this BLOG for the wrong reasons.

D for the D.

This is self-explanatory. Don’t bother me.











E for Engineering.

This is a course that deserves special recognition. Engineering students know nothing, good news is, only engineering students know this fact. Finally, E is for Exams. You ought to pass your exams.








F for Fresher. Yes, the most hated kind for the beginning semester. But don’t worry, the hate doesn’t last that long provided you stop moving around in groups, all carrying envelopes.

G is for Graduation.

That’s the main reason why you are at campus, to graduate. Keep this at the back of your mind, you must be in that tent come graduation day. Doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you arrive.



H for Hostel or Hall.

Please begin mentioning the name of your hostel. Hostel A, present? Hostel B, present? Hostel C, present? Hostel D, present?............................Hostel I?







I for Instagram.

Read that one more time, Instagram and its filters. You never have a second chance to make the first impression. Don’t forget to take those bathroom selfies and upload on Instagram.



J for Jobs. You are studying to get these things but truth be told these things are very scarce, they have seasons like grasshoppers.

K for KU,

The HQ of Team Mafisi and Grammar and Spelling mistakes. This letter is reserved mainly for KenyattaUniversity, the University of the broke, young and local girls.







L for Legends and List. This is the hangout that’s for the poor that want to look rich. No place harbors broke campus wannabes like Legends. It’s made up of lousy campusers stealing other people’s booze. All the same, L is for Legends. L is also for List, avoid getting into the list of HIV infection.

M for Money. Money rules everything around campus. You need this to survive. You must have money. Please and please, M doesn’t mean MUST . Ohhhh remember Make-up is what differentiates you from the lot of ugly girls.

N for Nud3s and Naked.

You are going to be sending or receiving these on Whatsapp, get used to it.










O for Orator. Yes, you will find this Kafresher who will give stories from the city or Ocha s/he came from.


P for Postinor.

OMG If your girlfriend doesn’t have these pills, kindly dump her. If you are a babe and you don’t know what Postinor means or does, consider spending another year in high school. At Campus, P signifies Postinor. In rare cases.. Don’t forget the P for Printing because you going to print everything there is.




Q for Queues.

You are going to make many of these at campus. Life really sucks. You will line up to get your transcript, you will line up to enter the examination hall. You will then understand that life is a game of Queues.






R for Retakes. You must avoid this mother of demons. Yes, stay away from retakes. Do everything else, have live sex, get STDs, abort, wake up with hangovers but kindly desist from Retakes.

S for Selfie, S3xtape and S3x.

This is called the 3S. It is the triad of the 3 magical words. First, you take a selfie and send it, then you catch up for s3x, and finally you release a S3xtape. Finally take it that S will also mean Strikes. S is the magical letter at campus. Everything rotates around S, shuttles, shawtys, show-offs.







T for Twitter.

Wonderful, you must be the generation that understands why everyone ought to be a Tweep. It takes a certain level of IQ to be a Twitter user and understand the dynamics of this platform. And don’t forget to always pay your Tuition. If you invest Tuition money, you will struggle to recover it. Yes, we also have taxis. 99.9% don’t have cars, taxis are the only means of locomotion.




U for UoN. The University with the strictest rules but with the wildest students. At UoN, they expel students for anything. They will suspend you for short skirts, BGR, pregnancy; some girl was expelled for losing her friend’s sharpener and eraser.

V for the V. This is also common sense. Life at campus rotates around the V. Either you are giving it or you are receiving it.

W for Whatsapp.

  This is a must have messenger App on your phone. It’s the first App you should have on your smartphone. Always load MBs to be part of the Whatsapp fun. Join Whatsapp groups and share cool nud3s via Whatsapp. Finally, W is for Weaves. If you are a girl, most of your money will go on these. And if you are a dude, forget about seeing your girlfriend’s natural hair.


X for Xerox because that’s what happens for most assignments, tests, courseworks, even in exams. You must figure out your own way of Xeroxing. It will help earn you that Second Class upper degree.

Y for You. That’s all that matters in this age of the selfie stick. It’s all about You. Don’t forget that, be selfish, be narcissistic. Don’t forget to think of you first before anyone else. Make sure your needs are getting met.

Z for Zone. While at University, you will always be in someone’s zone. The Beer Zone, where you are the guy or girl with whom people go out to have beer. The airtime zone, the dudes who send her airtime. The BF zone, the coursework zone where you help do people’s course works. Remember to pick your zone as early as possible.