Why We Should Run Relationships Like Football Clubs

I think Campus relationships should be run like Football clubs. We should have transfer windows. If your bae is underperforming, you sell her to another club aka another dude. If your man is not producing results in bed, you loan him to another girl for the next season.

And for those good players aka good baes, they should get more rewards at the end of the season. Instead of calling them booty calls or one night stands, we should call them “trials.” If she passes the trials, you can upgrade her to side-dish status. If she impresses more, you hire her on a girlfriend contract.

And instead of cheating. What we should have are friendly matches. For example, my UCU fans could come around and ask to have a friendly match with me. We exchange boxers for g-strings the way players exchange jerseys at the end of the match.

But we should have our parents and friends playing the role of referees and linesmen. If bae is asking for anal sex, then they red-card her. Faking the moaning or the orgasms will be similar to strikers who fall in the box.

Live sex should be called penalties. Like if she daint get pregnant, then the goal keeper was good. If she’s pregnant, that’s a penalty in. Abortion should be referred to as poor refereeing. Where a linesman pretends not to see the goal.

Finally, handjobs should be referred to as handball and one should be fined when seen masturbating. Of course heads will remain heads.

My friends come 2016, if you vote my party into power, that’s our first agenda when it comes to relationships. Before I forget, there should be relegation. Like if a girl has a weave, she should be relegated to the Kyambogo league and date only guys from Kyambogo University.