What If These Kenyan Universities Were Premier League Clubs?

If FOOTBALL were to be an academic institution in Kenya then:

1. Arsenal is Maseno- where the students work hard through out the year but fail to succeed.

2. Manchester City is KU-where the students purchase all the expensive items and live large but are never interested in their primary assignment.

3. Liverpool is MMU-where the students are very much proud of the academic achievements of their grand fathers.

4. Manchester Utd is Egerton- where students don’t perform well in class except their final exams and achieve good results.

5. Chelsea is MKU- where students fail and put the blame on their VC after which, the government will intervene to find a new VC for the school (sorry University) every year.

6. Real Madrid is UoN- where students think they perform best and keep beefing the best students of other universities.

7.Finally, Barcelona is Moi University – where students work hard, perform well in class and achieve the best results in the whole country.

Why We Should Run Relationships Like Football Clubs

I think Campus relationships should be run like Football clubs. We should have transfer windows. If your bae is underperforming, you sell her to another club aka another dude. If your man is not producing results in bed, you loan him to another girl for the next season.

And for those good players aka good baes, they should get more rewards at the end of the season. Instead of calling them booty calls or one night stands, we should call them “trials.” If she passes the trials, you can upgrade her to side-dish status. If she impresses more, you hire her on a girlfriend contract.

And instead of cheating. What we should have are friendly matches. For example, my UCU fans could come around and ask to have a friendly match with me. We exchange boxers for g-strings the way players exchange jerseys at the end of the match.

But we should have our parents and friends playing the role of referees and linesmen. If bae is asking for anal sex, then they red-card her. Faking the moaning or the orgasms will be similar to strikers who fall in the box.

Live sex should be called penalties. Like if she daint get pregnant, then the goal keeper was good. If she’s pregnant, that’s a penalty in. Abortion should be referred to as poor refereeing. Where a linesman pretends not to see the goal.

Finally, handjobs should be referred to as handball and one should be fined when seen masturbating. Of course heads will remain heads.

My friends come 2016, if you vote my party into power, that’s our first agenda when it comes to relationships. Before I forget, there should be relegation. Like if a girl has a weave, she should be relegated to the Kyambogo league and date only guys from Kyambogo University.

On Relationships

And then on this issue of relationships, I believe a relationship is meant to take its own course. You don’t sit down and plan that course. You simply do what you can in the present, take on a habit in the now that could contribute in one way or another to that future.

Like basically, I don’t understand when people stress over the question; “where do you see this thing going?” If you even have to ask that question in the first place, then it’s going nowhere. A relationship should progress naturally at its own pace.

It may be 10 years perhaps when it gets serious. Perhaps it won’t even get serious. Or you will not even get married but you will stay together and have children. But don’t try to impose your artificial boundaries and directions on a relationship, give it the space to grow.

Because you know, I don’t have to ask my friends, “where do you see this friendship going?” As with friendships, so with relationships. You have to focus on being your best, doing your best in the present moment of the relationship then hope that based on your best, the future will decide whether you are the right person to take it forward.

And the reason most people never enjoy relationships is because they live in the future. They’re so concerned about whether they will break up or not. Whether he will finally commit. Whether she won’t cheat. That doesn’t matter. Focus on the present, that’s the only real thing. We have no power to influence the future, but we can do something in the present that indirectly counts in that future.

So you know, if you are in a relationship, give it all your best in the present. Don’t stress about the next 5 years or two or even one. Take this one day and give it all you can. Create wonderful memories together. That’s it. No other secret. Whether you break up or not, you will have created wonderful memories together to look back on and smile.

Campus Girls Are Like Bread

When a loaf comes out of the oven (high school), it’s warm and delicious. You can’t help but stuff yourself. (Freshers)

When you leave the loaf out, it gets a little hard. You have to heat it up with a toaster first, but it still won’t taste fresh. (Second Years)

If you leave the bread out for too long, mold develops. You can cut away the mold, toast the bread, and still be able to eat it, but you won’t enjoy it. You’d have to be starving. (Third Years)

If you leave it for even longer, mold takes over and completely destroys the bread. There is no way to excise the toxic portions. You must throw it away before the mold makes you sick. (Fourth Years and Finalists)

The lesson in this? Live next to the bakery.

Kenyan Campus Girls Are Like T-Shirts

When a t-shirt comes out of the factory (high school), it’s crisp and bright. People compliment you on your new shirt (Fresher).

After you wear the t-shirt a couple of times, the fabric loses elasticity. You no longer get excited when wearing it because people have already seen you in it. Your eye starts to wander on new t-shirts (Second-Year).

After a couple dozen wearings, yellow pit stains develop in the underarm area, especially if you’re of Kyambogo descent. You stop wearing it in public, and only put it on when you’re doing work around the house (Third Year).

Eventually, holes develop in the fabric. It has been used too many times. Now it is only good to clean the toilet bowl before finally being placed in the trash. (Fourth Year and finalists).

The lesson in this? Live next to the t-shirt factory.

Anal Sex: The New Craze Among Kenyan Female Campusers

Kenyan female campusers are becoming crazy about something in town, it’s a fantasy of sorts, and it’s Anal Sex. For campusers, there are now two types, those who love it or hate it with a passion. No in between.

But it is the group that absolutely loves it and is growing that is shocking dudes. Tasha*, a campuser at MU and her friends confirm that it’s one of their fantasies that they discuss among their girl group and giggle about.

“The first time I had anal was when I was in my pees. I was so horny yet my bae couldn’t bang me like that. I suggested Anal as an experiment. After all, when the red river is flooded, you take the dirt road home. Since then, I keep telling guys to do Anal with me. ” however Tasha warns that Anal is not something to be done on the regular and lube is needed to lubricate that place.

Yet for most dudes, Anal seems unappealing and bestial. But for a growing section of female campusers, butt sex is the new trend. To these girls, the howls of ecstasy that come with it are worth it occasionally.

For most of the dudes, butt sex with their girls is a traumatic experience that weights heavily on their minds for the rest of the day.

One of Tasha’s other friend, Lindah* from UoN says “Anal feels like true bondage and domination. It makes you feel like you’re his slave or slut. And there’s something so awesome about that.”

In most girl groups in all universities, girls keep narrating their first time experience with butt sex. They are now convincing other friends to jump on the tram of Anal.

Reasons why Anal is becoming Popular Among Ugandan Campusers:

1. For some campus girls, they use anal to cheat on their boyfriends. Apparently to these girls, anal doesn’t count as sex. However other girls at campus say anal is something they use to prove their true love to a guy. “If I am obsessed about having anal with him, he gotta know I like really love him.”

2. The other reason for Anal sex’s popularity in Kenyan campuses has been partly influenced by overrating, over-hyping and over-promoting the female ass. Every song is about shake that booty. Back then, the epitome of female sex appeal was large titties, today it’s primarily the female ass.

3. There is rising porn viewership in Kenyan universities. The girls are surprisingly watching more porn than the dudes. And most who do watch porn want to replicate and try out anal with their guys. Others think the sudden interest of Kenyan girls in anal comes from the too much porn they’ve been binging

4. Feminism
With more girls at Kenyan Universities identifying as feminists, they are told to feel sexually liberated and experiment with anything they want. It’s like feminism has let the inner slut in every girl loose so girls now feel very confident about doing Anal.

5. Campus Girls are using it as a birth control method
For most of the girls our writers talked to, they always do Anal when they want to risk and have live sex with him without worrying about pregnancy.

6. Anal is also popular when girls are in their pees. And so is giving head.

7. Campus girls have mental issues or personality problems
For most girls who were enthusiastic about anal sex, they tended to have a BPD type behaviour. Most of these girls are coming from broken backgrounds with absent parents who have not bothered to be there for them but dedicated themselves to their jobs.

It seems Anal has taken the place of Oral sex among these Kenyan campus chics. It is their new fetish, partly owing to the degenerating quality of campus girls.





*Not real identities

Campuses with Anal Obsessions: 1. MUBS 2. UCU 3. KIU 4. Makerere - See more at: http://campuseye.ug/anal-sex-the-new-craze-among-ugandan-female-campusers/#sthash.RPiSte2Z.dpuf

Campuses with Anal Obsessions:
 1. MU
 2. UoN
 3. KU
 4. Maseno
 5.  MMU
 6. Egerton
 7. JKUAT

Advice to 2015/16 Moi University Graduates: You’re Not Special!

Over 5,000 of you are graduating this year

In a few years from now, I will be graduating with a Bachelor’s Degree in Geospatial Engineering. As a culture, I always send out my humble pieces of advice to fellow graduates. It’s advice for them, but an indirect moment of introspection for me too.

To the Moi University Graduates of 2015/16, I am sorry to break your egos, here’s my commencement address to you. It’s life advice that may not make sense now but will probably hold true for the next years of your life. The bitter truth is; “You Are Not Special.”

Over 5,000 of you are graduating this year. That’s the first statistic. Imagine that, 5,000 with a degree just as good as yours. Perhaps you may say, yours is a First Class Degree. The sad fact is, more than 200 of you will graduate with a First Class Degree this year. Now imagine the same figure for other Universities, for years preceding yours and you will understand.

All throughout life you’ve been pampered, snuggled and sold this lie that you are special. You’ve been fed on the milk of entitlement. Today, I am here to say, that’s not true. Drop your entitlement.

First, you are not entitled to a great job. You are not entitled to a multi-figure salary. You are not entitled to working a few days of the week. You are entitled to none of these things you’ve always dreamed about. None of you is exceptional.

Despite every assurance of your glittering transcript, despite the assuring words of your mother, you are not those bubbling snowflakes. Your church pastor may have told you something about your unique attributes, please do not be fooled. I have already shared the empirical evidence with you. The numbers are all mocking you in the face.

So my first advice to you is that you drop your entitlement. Life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you deserve. Everyone wants a good life, but not everyone deserves a good life. To live an extraordinary life, you are called upon to do something extraordinary.

To deserve the life you want, you’ll have to do the actions that are necessary. Most graduates today are delusional. You somehow think you’re entitled to “the good life” without putting in the effort required to actually get there. When you look at your life today, would you objectively say you deserve a higher life quality than others – according to the work you’ve put in? Are you better than your competition? Look around in your life, who would you bet on to make a million dollars? Would you bet on yourself? If not – what needs to change?

Secondly life is ever changing. Change is the only constant of life. As a graduate, you’ve got to be adaptable. Because, it’s not the strongest who survive but those who easily adapt. Unlike what most people will tell you, life is not fair. Life is going to throw you a lot of trials. You’re going to be rejected at numerous jobs. You’re going to walk the streets for some of you. Your degree will be trashed. But you must not lose hope, you must adapt and you must win. Hope is the last thing you ought to lose. Adaptation is the number one skill you require to beat the competition.

Then you must work on your social capital. As you will soon find out, it’s not all about what you know, it’s also about who you know. 50 percent of the jobs are not advertised. 50 percent of opportunities will never be put out for everyone to see. The only way they spread is through word of mouth. You must develop your social capital. Social Capital is about who you know. You have studied accounting, but do you have any friends who are already in the field? Do you know someone living your dream career? You must spread your circle. Go out there, befriend some people older than you, get some mentors, volunteer. Build your social capital.

Finally, you won’t always know all the answers. Even at 60 or 80, you will still be confused about life. Life is not something you master, it’s something you make peace with. This calls for humility and continuous knowledge acquisition. Your learning has just started. Don’t mistake your degree for an end to your learning. You must go to bed every day feeling a little more knowledgeable than when you wake up. That’s what puts you ahead. Learn to do a skill you didn’t know when you woke up. Learn to do your own plumbing, learn to fix your lights. Can you change your car tyre?

Above all dear graduates, know thyself, said the great teacher, Socrates. Self-awareness is the beginning of success. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses. Leverage your strengths while managing your weaknesses. With that said, go you out of the world and be great ambassadors of the Moi University.

The Two Types of Campusers: Tits vs Ass

Unless, of course, you’re attracted to a girl’s face. That’s just weird.

There are many outside of our ranks who would look upon Greek life as a homogenized conglomerate of frat stars and frockets, devoid of diverse opinions and assorted attitudes. I’d like to correct that mistake. Under our lettered exteriors lurk critical and divisive topics, broken down into two competing schools of thought. Today, we’ll be taking a closer look at those two types of people.

Tits

Sweater puppies. Chest cannons. Honka-honkas. By whatever name you may recognize them by, boobs are universally agreed upon to be pretty great. Trying to look a large-chested girl wearing a low-cut shirt in the eyes is nearly impossible. Our attention is drawn into them naturally like a vortex, and escaping from that chamber of cleavage without getting caught is a skill practiced over and over through a process of trial and embarrassing error. Of course, with the advancement of the “shameless staring” movement, the plight of the mammary-gawking man has finally received the attention that it deserves. But what is it about boobs that makes them so fantastic?

Certainly the amount of activities that they afford needs to be factored in. A nice pair of knockers present almost endless possibilities, from the classic motorboat all the way to the simple squeeze. You can even use them as mountains for your Matchbox cars, or whatever. And the way that they feel is unparalleled. Like pudding-filled balloon bags of endless bliss. They’re oddly hypnotizing, and no matter how many you’ve squeezed in the past, you always want to squeeze more. Old men lying on their death bed filled with regrets wished they had honked more boobs in their younger years. It’s every man’s unspoken quest to eventually find that one pair of perfect tits, although as with any chase for perfection, you always believe that the next pair might be the two. Like Don Quixote and his windmills, this search has driven men to madness and compelled women to make their own destiny. In the chase for glory, we have turned from that which has been given to that which has been created.

This leads to further considerations. All-natural or synthetic? I have a personal preference for an un-enhanced chest armory. Many men, however, are comfortable with the silicon stuff. To me, the bounce is off and the feel isn’t there, but if you are one to gravitate to sheer size this may be the best option. My perfect pair is perky and full, and in my experience a natural set really captures that ideal balance.

While we all have default images of what our perfect twins may look like, we can all agree that for some men, the breasts make the girl. It’s what grabs their attention first, what they focus on in the bedroom, and what makes them want to lock their owner down for the long term. For others, that motivation comes in the form of a distinctly southward situation.

Ass

It has become officially recognized that this year will go down in the annals of history as the year of ass. With the explosion of the #buttstuff2015 movement, you can’t go anywhere without someone talking about eating the booty like groceries or joking about hip dysplasia. And to be frank, it’s great.

Girls are going to the gym just to work on their butts, squat racks are filling up faster than Apple stores selling the 6S, and clothing has never been more optimized to show off these backdoor skill sets. From high-waisted jean shorts to form-fitting yoga pants, never before have men lived in such an age where the booty was so proudly bounced about.

As great as boobs look in a beach scene bikini, the floss that some girls are now stringing up their backsides and calling bathing suits is truly incredible. With the invention and acceptance of the thong bikini, cheeks are now free to fly at warm-weather spots across the country, prompting men everywhere to don shades for reconnaissance and reassurance that this is indeed real life.

Many of you heathens will be familiar with the phrase “Marry the ass, buy the tits.” Indeed, having a great backside is not something one can change easily. You either have it or you don’t. Girls with bountiful buns are so eager to show them off because, unlike the gals upstairs, there truly is no substitute for a naturally firm ass.

Grabbing a handful of toned tush is one of life’s great pleasures, not to mention all of the boudoir benefits that one gets with an ass-inclined girl. Whether smackable, grabable, or grindable, a great ass focuses the center of attention like a tractor beam for guys associated with the anal anatomy. Unlike the cleavage clamp listed above, watching a girl in a tight-fitting dress saunter back to her seat provides a safe view for you and the rest of the bar without fear of repercussion — not to mention all of the brownie points earned upon discovering she’s down with pounding the south town. It’s really a win-win for all involved.

In the end, whether you identify more with ass or tits, what really matters is that we can unite in our appreciation for the female body and all of the soft, squeezable parts they let us play with.

Unless, of course, you’re attracted to a girl’s face. That’s just weird.

So what are you? A Tits or an Ass person?

The Perfect Female to Male Ratio for Campus House Party

What is the ideal female to male ratio for house parties? I say 60:40.

My Reasons:

1. If there are way more guys, no one will enjoy it. Thirsty guys will swarm the ladies and smother them. The ladies will reject most of them and the guys they would have liked to talk to (i.e the cool guys) would avoid the commotion altogether and sit in a corner among themselves or just leave. Everyone will leave saying the party was shit.

2. If there are way more ladies, like a 80:20 ratio, no one will enjoy it – not even the guys. I know, you’re thinking ‘more women!’ but the truth is those more women will huddle up into groups and be unresponsive to guys out of some solidarity with the sisters. The ugly ones will put pressure on the cute ones not to entertain any offers for conversation from guys. I’ve seen this many times. Hahahaha

3. A fifty fifty ratio is not as good as it sounds. Everyone will assume there’s someone better to talk to so everyone is constantly moving around and not focusing on anybody thus no meaningful conversations are had.

4. A 60:40 female to ratio is just right. The ladies are excited and ready to mingle. There being slightly more of them makes them more daring so some will ratchet up their game for some attention. Hahahahaha. And since there aren’t too many guys they will feel more comfortable coming out of their shell. This will in turn increase interaction and overall fun for everybody.

Editor’s Note: Even a 1:1 ratio would work, Even a 1:2 or 2:1. All you have to do is eliminate anything called phones, social media, whatsapp… just eliminate any distraction and the party will be on. Otherwise even a 60:40, if women have their phones, a house party will still be a bore.

SEXPRENEURS: How Campusers Are Running Shops Between Their Legs?

It is the rise and rise of sexpreneurs

The Nineties didn’t only usher in a women rights consciousness, together, they slowly ushered in the possibility of sexpreneurs. For many, the death of love at Universities begun in the nineties.

The changes were first noticed when Universities admitted its first Private students. They brought in a cultural shift, it was a silent revolution that slowly swept the Universities. Because the parents of these children could now use money to buy degrees, they were determined to ensure that their children also surpassed those on government sponsorship when it came to better standards of living while at University.

As time went on, government was slowly cutting down on allowances, students on government sponsorship were left with no option but to use the land between their legs to get what they didn’t have. And so the competition begun, it was this competition between campusers that produced the sexpreneurs of today.

Unlike in the 2000s, in the nineties girls detoothed men but they saw themselves as future wives of those men. Polygamy was still normal in. The girls didn’t mind being groomed into second wives of the men who sponsored their campus lifestyle.

Yet the feminism gossip continued to preach otherwise. The girls were being told not to allow a man to make them a second wife. Yet, they were also told a man should foot all the bills. It seems, girls were being told to cherry pick from the best of the traditional settings and in the modern settings. So, they strived to become career women but left men to carry out all the funding yet at the same time rejected early marriages or the prospect of being second wives. FIDA even made it possible to fight off these desperate men who didn’t want to let go.

Thus, today, sexpreneurs are the order of the day at all Universities. In a free market where the forces of demand and supply are left to their own, there has been an exponential rise in mini-relationships, booty calls, one night stands and moneysex at campus.

Girls now feel like they should be getting something from a man during or after sex. Sex is no longer a process of a couple making love, it’s now an act where girls feel they are doing men a favour to get it. Since there is a reduction in the number of real beautiful women in shape, the few who exist are being hit on by a number of men, both fellow campusers and the working class. The working class is willing to splash money to get a quick night of fun from these campusers who know better sex styles and positions than their expired wives in homes. As a result, the dollar rate of sex at University has been rising as the value of a man has been going down slowly but surely like the shilling.

But why and how are campus girls leasing their precious land?

Well, the times have changed. Girls now want to live the lifestyle of billionaires while at campus. It is cut-throat competition. If the boyfriend of her roommate picks her in a car, she will expect that her boyfriend too upgrades from a bodaboda to a car as soon as possible otherwise he will be dumped for no clear reason other than for the weakness of his wallet. Girls now want to have their birthdays thrown in form of boat cruises with a specific theme. They also wish to have a RAV-4 or Spacio to park in their hostel space. They hate rebounding clothes. They expect to hold the latest gadget such as the iphone 6 once it gets released. Yet at the same time, they want to have a share of fame and attention.

Thus, girls are now desiring for money and fame. Any man who has those or at least one of those in plenty gets to share their coockie. From the many cars that park at hostels on Friday evenings, the game has just been taken to another level.

Campus dudes are now being left with no option but to target freshers and senior students who are yet to know about this culture of using sex to buy a lifestyle of your dreams. Some girls come from homes where a car has never parked in their compound but they’re already cruising big fuel guzzlers even before they graduate.

And it’s not a big deal to graduate. They can service these horny male lecturers with sex and get marks. They can supplement this with money and they will be on the graduation lists. When they graduate, these girls now dread going back home and having jobs that require them to get locked down from 8am to 5pm. They thus look for men who are willing to make their life simple, create them boutiques and stock them every month plus pay the rent to those boutiques.

On top of that, girls will want a man to rent them an apartment of over 15K in nearby big towns and fuel their cars. Yet, it is difficult to find one man who can be all those things. The only girls getting married are those who find men that can be all those things, other women, they have given up on marriage.

They get a number of men whom they assign specific roles. They even save their phone numbers with those roles. When you look through these girls phone books, you will find names such as Willy concerts, Kelvin Serena, Jimmy tour and travel, Dennoh free drinks and pork and Tombeast orgasm giver.

They will then supplement this money by engaging in corporate prostitution. It is not the kind where they line up on Speke road and haggle openly. In corporate prostitution, the deals are brokered on phone. You state your price for her coockie and she asks you to increase it or add a transport allowance to it. Then she will come to your place and give you the sex. For this reason, the pimps business has gone up. Pimps now earn a commission the same way middle men or house brokers earn theirs.

These girls have rates that keep fluctuating but it seems 5K is the new standard rate, that’s if she’s coming to your place to give you sex for a few minutes and she aint sleeping over and you are giving her transport to and fro. In exceptional incidences when these girls are too broke, they will reduce the price to 2K for their regular customers.

There are the five star girls who charge not less than 10K for a night. They have their clients on Whatsapp that they keep seducing with nude photos and once the client talks of sex, they state their price. They are willing to do live sex if a client doubles or triples the price. Live sex at the moment among these campusers goes for 25K, they have stocked up doses of PEP just in case they suspect you have a virus.

One thing they hate is when their periods strike. The shops between their legs are forced to shut down and these girls only do two things during this time, give head and do top-topping.

When one stands on Universitys' roads today, it will be quick to notice these young ladies cruising their cars and living the perfect lifestyle. They discovered oil fields between their legs and nothing will stop them from selling their oil until it dries up.

It is the rise and rise of sexpreneurs. Their whatsapp messages are always buzzing with notifications. You will find celebs in those phones, you will find lawyers, engineers, tax officials and even top politicians. These sexpreneurs now password protect every folder on their phones lest one steals their clients.

How does one connect to these sexpreneurs? Well, when your wallet is ready, you will automatically see them. You will know them when you see them. They are on Facebook and Instagram posting the hottest photos of themselves, moving from concert to concert. They never tag their sponsors in those photos and their profiles show they are single. Many never officially graduate from campus, they mention the same age from year to year even though the wrinkles and stretch marks are slowly beginning to betray them. They are commonest at public universities and are slowly rising in private universities. Many disguise themselves as models and ushers at various corporate events. But behind these models and ushers are girls willing to sell what they have to get what they don’t.

Yes, sexpreneurs are real, campus girls are running shops between their legs. There is no more free sex, you pay for it in one form or another. Even that girlfriend of yours who you claim gives you free sex, she will ask you for at least 5K every week disguised under things like hair or this and that. It is now impossible to get free sex in universities, however it is possible to get cheap but quality sex if a guy has some good game and fame.

For men now, you should be having at least two of these three things to enjoy an abundance of sex; fame, game and money.

Till next time, keep buying!!!!

7 Skills employers Are looking out for In University Graduates

Moi university graduation ceremony

Employers especially in Kenya nowadays no longer hire you for your degree alone. There are additional specific skills they consider when deciding which graduate to recruit. Penetrating the job market is becoming harder. To get a job, it means you need to possess these skills so as to stand out from the crowd.

The recruitment professionals in today put a lot of emphasis on these skills because they’ve realized over the past years, they have been falling into a trap of being impressed by excellent student papers, like first class degrees; and neglected the employability skills which have cost them a lot of money and time.

Now, they want to be sure. If you’re a graduate you will need to exhibit these skills to get the job.

Communication skills: Employers want to be sure they’re hiring a graduate who has excellent verbal and writing skills. They want a person who will be able to communicate effectively to the audience and tailor a message that will widen their market and promote their brand.

Team work: Recruiters want to employ graduates who are comfortable working with their fellow employees as a team. They want to employ someone who can relate easily with everyone on the working group and coordinate with everyone involved in business without being selfish or shy.

Problem solving skills: Remember how your lecturer told you to continuously work on your logical and analytical skills? Sure, he was preparing you for the job market. Uganda as a country presents a very dynamic, problematic and changing society. Businesses need people who are good at reasoning things out and solving problems.

Persuasion skills: There is no way a company will give you a job if they’re not sure of your ability to persuade customers. Many students think these skills are only valid to aspiring salesmen. If you also think like that, I would like to tell you you’re wrong. Even if you’re going to work as a teacher, your job will require you to be persuasive to both the students and staff. Employers want graduates who will persuade people to buy their products or to subscribe to their services. If you can’t do this, your chances of getting a job are very low.

Ability to persevere: Before the recruiter takes you in, he may want to ensure first that you’re good at persevering and keeping yourself motivated even when the business environment is super depressing or not encouraging.

Ability to work under pressure: Employers want graduates who will be able to work under pressure and meet project deadlines. They don’t want to lose any money or time; so they want to be sure they’re hiring someone who is specifically suited for that.

Business sense: Businesses are looking to recruit business-minded graduates. Having a first class degree is one thing that doesn’t guarantee a person understands Ugandan business. Employers will always look out for graduates who understand business and its necessary subsidiaries.

10 BOOKS Every University Student In Kenya MUST READ

Whereas everyone decries the reading culture in Kenya, no one remembers to hold the writers to account. Could it be that people don’t read because they lack appropriate material to read? Or that a lot of gutter material blankets content that would and should be read by most people? I bring you the 10 books that every university student in Kenya must read. These are books that everyone should read before they leave campus. You will be surprised, there’s a writer who has three books on this list.

1.    AntiFragile by Nassim K Taleb

We could possibly recommend that one begins with Taleb’s black swan book before advancing to his other books of Antifragile and Fooled by Randomness. On the other hand, if a University student believes they don’t have the time to read all his three books, then, they could stick to reading only one book from him-AntiFragile that documents things and systems that gain from disorder. This book will put one in the top one percent thinkers in one’s University.

2.    Poor Charlie’s Almanac by Charlie Munger

This is comparable to Charlie Munger’s Autobiography. He shares the wisdom that has helped him and Warren Buffet keep on the top of their game when it comes to investment. He’s that business partner of Warren Buffet that is rarely mentioned. In this book, he makes a strong case for Subtractive Knowledge, especially the principles of Inversion noting that the most important thing in life is to know where you will die from and not go there. Finally, he brings us 25 cognitive biases that see most people fall in the traps of life.

3.    Lessons of History by Will Durant

Will Durant is probably the greatest historical philosopher that graced the modern times. He’s a man who dedicated more than 40 years of his life documenting various events and personalities in history. His book, lessons of history will sum up the reasons and conclusions we take from the study of history. Once you go through this first book of his, you may dare yourself to read; “the story of philosophy” and “the story of civilization.” For an extra mile, you could then think of reading the book; “10 Great Thinkers and Ideas of All Time.” In that book, he mentions 100 books for an education. A list of books you that should take you for 4 years, after which, you will come off wiser and knowledgeable with an education that no University can offer.

4.    Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

Tucker Max singlehandedly invented a new genre in writing, and that is “fratire.” This is a book that will get you laughing your ribs out. And once you read this book of his, you will automatically be driven to read the other three; I Hope They Sell beer in Hell, Hilarity Ensues and Sloppy Seconds.
tucker max

5.    On The Shortness of Life by Lucius Seneca

Majority complain that life is short, and even in its shortness, it rushes by at rocket speed. This is not a book; it’s a mere Essay that disputes this fact. The Roman Philosopher Seneca maintains that life is not as short as we think; we merely waste a lot of it, beseeched by vices and other distractions. He notes that the portion of life which we live is very small, the rest is time. This is an essay that will awaken you.

6.    Personal Development For Smart People by Steve Pavlina

Majority of self-help books are hogwash, they will insult your intelligence. Do not count Steve Pavlina’s book among that lot. This is a book that will give you the very roots of personal development. It will show you how to take your life from this point to the next point, and you will do so consciously. This book must be read before one attends their first lecture in University. It will form the foundation for all the years you will spend in University.

7.    Steve Jobs Biography by Walter Isaacson

Many people think that books are a one-time read, material that you read and brag about. This biography of Steve Jobs will get you questioning those myths about books. It will be a book that you will read and find yourself coming back to now and again for elucidation in life. It’s a book about a man who abandoned, drops out of college, and goes ahead to revolutionize three industries. If you have used the Iphone, the Ipod or the fonts on your computer, then there’s a man to thank for that role.

8.    Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson

 That a man who was born with dyslexia goes ahead to start over 400 companies is a record-breaking story in Entrepreneurship. This is the story of the Virgin Group right from its inception. Richard Branson shares every secret of his generously. And if you enjoy this book, then you should read his other book; “Screw it, let’s do it.”

9.    The Game by Neil Strauss (for Male Students) The Rules by Ellen Fein (for Female Students)

for Male Students

for Female Students

Many male students struggle with how to pick up girls. How do you approach a girl you like? How do you stir interest? What are the techniques? The Game by Neil Strauss is that one book that every male student at campus should read. The Rules is a book that Steve Harvey basically plagiarized to produce his own book. Every female student must read this book.

10.    Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

This book is set in a time before the White Man comes to Africa, and the aftermath once he’s been accepted in African society. You will fall in love with the Character Okonkwo, above all, you will understand a great part of our African heritage. The African wisdom that is dissipated in form of proverbs will leave you in awe of our ancestors. It’s a book that should be read at every beginning of a Semester.
achebe

BONUS BOOKS
There are books that didn’t make the top ten list that I feel when one gets time, they should go ahead and read them.
-Animal Farm by George Orwell
-The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma
– Conjectures and Refutations by Karl Popp
– The Road to Serfdom by Frederick Von Hayek
-48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
– Guns, Germs and Steel by Jarred Diamonds

Once one goes through the strenuous times of reading these books, they will definitely find themselves charting out the course of the next books to read. The beauty about books, the more you read, the more you fall in love with reading them.

How To Know When A Campus Babe Wants To Show You her Kitone

Every campus guy has been asking us at Campus Vibe254 “how do I know when she’s ready for the D?” Well, there are a million ways to kill a rat, but there are also a few sure ways to kill that rat. This is how to know when your campus babe wants you to hit it and she’s hyper ready to show you her kitone.

Campus baes will text you the following when they want you to hit it?

1. You’re so lost, where are you?
When she begins with the line of ‘you’re so lost’, she’s literally asking you to invite her over or to ask to get to her place. Don’t even second-think, no girl puts lost and where in the same statement unless she’s ready for you.

2. Have you eaten? Then you reply NO and she asks that you can join her.
This is a line that was copied from Moi, K.U and UoN Universities. Since the girls from these universities are wife-material, they know that the other way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, she will ask you to come over for supper and next thing you know, you will be enjoying her kitone.

3. I am sick, so you can go over and pay her a visit
Do we even have to explain this? No sick person ever calls. So, if she says she’s sick, she’s literally daring you to go over and prove that you are a real man. Don’t act surprised when you reach her hostel only to find that her roomie is away and she’s half-dressed. It’s your moment bro, go hit it as hard as you can.

Campus Days Explained In Better Ways Than Before

Let's describe campus days using the analogy of girls. This will make it better for many campus dudes and dudettes to understand and identify with the feelings they get on such days.

MONDAY: Monday is like that girl that sits on your couch with her hands on her laps. That tense feeling that accompanies your desire.

TUESDAY: Tuesday is like that shuffle you make an inch closer. That every present metallic taste of fear on your tongue” What if I get rejected?”

WEDNESDAY: Wednesday is like that steel in your heart. “It’s now or never”. That lowering of your head to meet hers.

THURSDAY: Thursday is like that surprise reception she gives. The soft parting of her lips to envelop yours.

FRIDAY: Friday is like that intense foreplay session. Feverish movements so hurried between both parties.

SATURDAY: Saturday is like that hurried sex that lasts all of 30 seconds. That look of disappointment on her face while she whispers calming words.

SUNDAY: Sunday is like the cuddle she wants after while you lay silently beside her mentally dialling your cab man.